News in Britain: Stamps have gone up 14 pence
News in Canada: Moose on the loose downtown
News in America: Cannibal eats man's face
Britain: wat.
News in America: Man throws intestines at police
Britain: wat
News in America: Man eats roommate's heart and brain
News in Canada: Porn star murders lover and mails body parts to government headquarters.
Britain: Shit Canada.
America: You fucked up.

Lilly Allen music: *happy go lucky melody with fairies in the background dancing with the angels of heaven*
Lilly Allen lyrics: The whole world is a dark place where no will ever escape from. Just saw an old lady get raped in London, I didn't do shit, too fuckin' bad. Everyone is on drugs and doesn't care, you all need help. You hate gay people? Well fuck you. My boyfriend has a tiny penis and it's not fair. Stop FUCKING HITTING ON ME AT THE BAR JESUS CHRIST, I HAVE AIDS OKAY?? Oh, you're 29? lmfao you're life is over bitch. You better hope a man comes along to take care of you, you're not 22 anymore. Anyone want to have some Chinese food with me?

Mom: It's almost 10:30. It's getting pretty late you should go to be-
Me: *starts laughing hysterically before turning into a winged batlike demon and flying off into the darkness as a creature of the night*